I’m in this asking a lot of important questions.

welcometothisblogbitch:

I… I just want to start off by saying I’m sorry. Are we clear on that part? It’s important for you to know I’m sorry that I in some small way helped contribute to this meme. But the truth is, I helped write this video for Jockular. And it is called Shit People at a Super Bowl Party Say. And you should watch it because why not.

Take This Job and Shove It | Reader's Digest →

pleasefireme:

Thanks Reader’s Digest for featuring our book Please Fire Me: Posts from the Revolting Workplace this month! Suggestion: The writer behind this gets tomorrow off.

PFM New York show! The Ultimate Office Space Party →

Thursday, 8pm at The Bell House.

pleasefireme:

Hey there, party people forced to be work people! Anyone in the New York area should put this on their calendar! Please Fire Me book co-authors Jill Morris and Johnny McNulty are going to read material from the book, read your posts, and read some hilarious unused material that was TOO HOT FOR PRINT! (Or too hilariously zany, anyway) All at the world-famous Bell House for the Ultimate Office Space Party! (buy tickets here)

The show is going to be great! Prizes! Treats! Sing-A-Longs! Quote-A-Longs! Kung Fu! Self Breast Exams! Themed Drinks! Hawaiian shirt day! Flair! Can’t wait to see you there!

I’m more professional than a stapler. I fixed my stand-up video. Now my goofy arms sync with my goofy mouth.

Review of My Book on Comediva →

Thanks to Comediva for their nice review of my book and thanks again to silent co-author Johnny McNulty for all his jokes. 

How to Become a Published Author in 237 Simple Steps →

I wrote this about the process I went through from being hired off Craigslist and turning someone’s vision into a book.

Thanks The Comic’s Comic for writing about my “Are Lobsters Funny?” piece! I’m glad we finally can stop wondering, too. 

Thanks The Comic’s Comic for writing about my “Are Lobsters Funny?” piece! I’m glad we finally can stop wondering, too. 

I’m on front page of The Huffington Post and featured in their comedy section today! By the way, I’m a lobster now. Answering the question, “Are lobsters funny?”

I’m on front page of The Huffington Post and featured in their comedy section today! By the way, I’m a lobster now. Answering the question, “Are lobsters funny?”

I’m doing standup at @ArielsGSL’s show Pillow Talk tomorrow at 8pm. Cameo Art Gallery. 93 N 6th St. Billyburg.

I’m doing standup at @ArielsGSL’s show Pillow Talk tomorrow at 8pm. Cameo Art Gallery. 93 N 6th St. Billyburg.

The wonderful pal that he is Ramsey Ess drew an entire chapter of maps, Chapter 3. This is just the break room, but there are other rooms, too! I felt like Jackson Pollock when I came with this idea and wrote out the whole office’s interactions in a flurry. I wanted a fold-out map so all the rooms could be hearing each others noises, too. But the publishers kindly asked we turn in the final manuscript, as it was already a week late and things cost money. The old Chapter 3 was THE WORST. God, I can’t even remember what it was. I think an office supply catalog? Yup. That was it. I just had a terrible flashback to it. Lotta phone jokes. Anyway. Please Fire Me Chapter 3 vs. Blues Poles? I think it’s a tie. Great job, Ramsey! pleasefireme:  Two Weeks’ Notice: “Before you nab a cupcake, know the lay of the land! Below you will see a map from Please Fire Me: Posts from the Revolting Workplace. Please follow along with this composite drawing and its corresponding legend. If you need us to repeat that, then your job strain has already killed you; you are obviously the walking dead.” —Leaders of the PFM Revolution Map of the Break Room 1.    Please fire me, My co-worker takes pictures of me in what he considers sexy poses. Me working, stretching and standing.2.    Please fire me. My department manager goes days on end without talking to me, or even cracking a smile in my direction, then out of nowhere leaves us fun size candy bars to snack on. The next day she gave us a lecture about eating in the department. We all liked her better when she didn’t talk to us.3.    Please fire me. By the looks of it, drinking water from the water cooler makes women pregnant. I just don’t have time for a baby now so I guess I’ll start bringing bottled.4.    Please fire me. My co-worker brought in a cake and told us to have a piece. She said she decided to make it because she needed to use the eggs that went bad.5.    Please fire me. My boss hasn’t acknowledged my existence in the last six hours, I have nothing to do and I just got a finger cramp from excessive gchatting.6.    Please fire me. Word got out in my workplace that I am atheistic. Despite having never shared this with any of my co-workers—fearing this very situation—I now endure non-stop attempts to save my soul and make me see the light.7.    Please fire me. I received a lesson on how to use the new break room espresso machine and now possess all the skills of a Starbucks barista.8.    Please fire me. I thought the 365-day calendars with pets and captions were annoying enough. A group of my co-workers, that I have not been invited to join, gathers around at 4PM daily to rate them.

The wonderful pal that he is Ramsey Ess drew an entire chapter of maps, Chapter 3. This is just the break room, but there are other rooms, too! I felt like Jackson Pollock when I came with this idea and wrote out the whole office’s interactions in a flurry.

I wanted a fold-out map so all the rooms could be hearing each others noises, too. But the publishers kindly asked we turn in the final manuscript, as it was already a week late and things cost money.

The old Chapter 3 was THE WORST. God, I can’t even remember what it was. I think an office supply catalog? Yup. That was it. I just had a terrible flashback to it. Lotta phone jokes.

Anyway.

Please Fire Me Chapter 3 vs. Blues Poles? I think it’s a tie. Great job, Ramsey!

pleasefireme:

 Two Weeks’ Notice:

“Before you nab a cupcake, know the lay of the land! Below you will see a map from Please Fire Me: Posts from the Revolting Workplace. Please follow along with this composite drawing and its corresponding legend. If you need us to repeat that, then your job strain has already killed you; you are obviously the walking dead.”

—Leaders of the PFM Revolution

Map of the Break Room

1.    Please fire me, My co-worker takes pictures of me in what he considers sexy poses. Me working, stretching and standing.

2.    Please fire me. My department manager goes days on end without talking to me, or even cracking a smile in my direction, then out of nowhere leaves us fun size candy bars to snack on. The next day she gave us a lecture about eating in the department. We all liked her better when she didn’t talk to us.

3.    Please fire me. By the looks of it, drinking water from the water cooler makes women pregnant. I just don’t have time for a baby now so I guess I’ll start bringing bottled.

4.    Please fire me. My co-worker brought in a cake and told us to have a piece. She said she decided to make it because she needed to use the eggs that went bad.


5.    Please fire me. My boss hasn’t acknowledged my existence in the last six hours, I have nothing to do and I just got a finger cramp from excessive gchatting.

6.    Please fire me. Word got out in my workplace that I am atheistic. Despite having never shared this with any of my co-workers—fearing this very situation—I now endure non-stop attempts to save my soul and make me see the light.

7.    Please fire me. I received a lesson on how to use the new break room espresso machine and now possess all the skills of a Starbucks barista.

8.    Please fire me. I thought the 365-day calendars with pets and captions were annoying enough. A group of my co-workers, that I have not been invited to join, gathers around at 4PM daily to rate them.

 Please Buy Me! All good revolutions rely on propaganda, from Thomas Paine’s Common Sense to Lenin’s cross-Europe comedy tour, “You Might Be A Proletarian If…” to DJ Ayatollah Khomenei’s killer mixtapes in Iran. Now our day has come: Please Fire Me: Posts from the Revolting Workplace is out in all major bookstores! The revolution begins in earnest with the publication of “the best workplace revolution manual ever published.” Who called it that? Why, you will, at Amazon and Barnes & Noble and a thousand other book-review outlets. Go forth, and spread the Cranky Word to your neighbors, and scream it from the mountain tops: “This job sucks and I’m not going to take it anymore! Also, our guide to revolt is a relaxing beach read!” Go check it out! Review us! Send us your funniest review and we’ll post it on the site! Bring your book to the book signing and we’ll write a pink slip right in your book!

 Please Buy Me!

All good revolutions rely on propaganda, from Thomas Paine’s Common Sense to Lenin’s cross-Europe comedy tour, “You Might Be A Proletarian If…” to DJ Ayatollah Khomenei’s killer mixtapes in Iran.

Now our day has come: Please Fire Me: Posts from the Revolting Workplace is out in all major bookstores! The revolution begins in earnest with the publication of “the best workplace revolution manual ever published.” Who called it that? Why, you will, at Amazon and Barnes & Noble and a thousand other book-review outlets.

Go forth, and spread the Cranky Word to your neighbors, and scream it from the mountain tops: “This job sucks and I’m not going to take it anymore! Also, our guide to revolt is a relaxing beach read!”

Go check it out! Review us! Send us your funniest review and we’ll post it on the site! Bring your book to the book signing and we’ll write a pink slip right in your book!